The Hypochondriac's Calendar went on sale this week in Knoxville, Tennessee. A team of physicians created the calendar to support the ever-growing psychosomatic community. Hershel Mullins, one of the first people to purchase the calendar, offered his explanation. "I simply love this calendar," Mr Mullins said, "It embraces a variety of splendid illnesses."
"For example, this week I've a headache coming up on Monday afternoon and Tuesday I've got a rash on my left leg. And Wednesday I've got bursitis. Thursday I have a choice of either diabetes or Tourette's Syndrome. Friday I get dizzy and can't stand up. Saturday, I've got a peptic ulcer. Sunday I break out in hives, my neck swells up, my nose runs, my back hurts and my vision is blurred. And next week I've got the measles."
"Next month I get the whooping cough. A stuffy nose. Sore throat. A upper respiratory infection. I get a ringing in my ears. I get to wheeze. Feel run down. I get a thyroid condition. The mumps. Carpal tunnel syndrome. My left leg twitches. I can't sleep. I'm impotent. My heart palpitates. Rheumatism. Spinal meningitis. I can't see. I experience a stabbing pain in my back. I get a stiff neck. I get Parkinson's Disease. And the next week, I have Alzheimer's Disease. Then the next week I have laryngitis. Pink eye. My hair falls out. I get a toothache. This one right here. See? Athlete's foot.
Joined: Feb 02, 2006
Posts: 1227
Location: Prescott, Arizona, USA
Posted:
Mon Jul 07, 2008 7:04 am
You know, when you start listing all the known diseases, there really are a lot of them! *feels a bit headachey and slightly short of breath* Hmmm, I wonder what I've got this week....
_________________ “When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you're born in America, you get a front row seat.” ~ George Carlin
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