Dating a theist

Posted: Thu Mar 06, 2008 4:50 am

sfanetti wrote:

We had some of the best discussions and most adversarial "relations" I've ever had.

And that's a good point. Just because you disagree -- argue, even -- with someone doesn't mean it can't be a great relationship. I have a lot of friends who *like* to argue. A few of them with their S.O.

That said, I married a Lutheran who does *not* like me arguing with her. Her family is pretty religious, and she used to believe a few woo woo things, but never pressed the matter. We went to church counseling for months before the marriage, and she and the minister knew I was an atheist.

Been married ten years, now. Patience is and communication (not argue, there is a difference) has been agreeable to both of us. I try not to leave any doubt about how I felt about church-state separation, or claims of woo. I took to listening to podcasts like "The Skeptic's Guide to the Universe", and she enjoys them as well.

She recently came across a definition of deist, and declared that that's now what she thinks she is. Doesn't change how much I love her, but it's pleasing to me that it seems she has come to think critically about claims -- even long-held beliefs.

Posted: Thu Mar 06, 2008 6:48 am

ouini wrote:

sfanetti wrote:

We had some of the best discussions and most adversarial "relations" I've ever had.

And that's a good point. Just because you disagree -- argue, even -- with someone doesn't mean it can't be a great relationship. I have a lot of friends who *like* to argue. A few of them with their S.O.

That said, I married a Lutheran who does *not* like me arguing with her. Her family is pretty religious, and she used to believe a few woo woo things, but never pressed the matter. We went to church counseling for months before the marriage, and she and the minister knew I was an atheist.

Been married ten years, now. Patience is and communication (not argue, there is a difference) has been agreeable to both of us. I try not to leave any doubt about how I felt about church-state separation, or claims of woo. I took to listening to podcasts like "The Skeptic's Guide to the Universe", and she enjoys them as well.

She recently came across a definition of deist, and declared that that's now what she thinks she is. Doesn't change how much I love her, but it's pleasing to me that it seems she has come to think critically about claims -- even long-held beliefs.

It sounds like you have a marvelous relationship. Yours is one of the nicest comments I've heard on this and related forums regarding mixed relationships and how they can work. You went in discussing and have continued discussing and of course loving.

Posted: Fri Mar 07, 2008 8:55 am

Ouini and I sound very similar here.

My girlfriend's family is very religious, I go to church with her about once every two or three weeks (she sings in the church band, and sometimes I even play drums when they need a back up). Everyone there knows I am an atheist (it is kind of hard to miss the guy not taking communion.

We, as a couple, are good friends with the pastor and her husband. And I am still quite a vocal atheist, so I have not 'sold out.'

But Tricia and I have accepted the fact - and gotten used to the fact - that we disagree on certain issues, like the ultimate origins of humans, etc. We do not really argue these with eachother, because we respect eachother too much to try 'converting' the other.

And, to be honest, I think it is kind of cool that I am probably the only atheist a lot of these people know, and I really think I have opend their eyes to the idea that atheists can be good people.

Posted: Sat Mar 08, 2008 3:41 am

Kevinthepragmaticist wrote:

kmisho wrote:

I for one can't even imagine at this point having a potential with such diametrically opposing views.

If you ask me, sex is not worth it.

As cliche as it sounds, sex and love are two different things. Sex has never been my top priority. Speaking for my situation, I knew from early on that I was very compatible with this girl and we share too much in common to be hung up on one difference.

And I am not the type of atheist - as so many are who frequent these forums - where a person's belief about religion trumps everything else. I do not look at people first and foremost by their religion. I try to pay attention to the myriad of beliefs and attributes that make them them and see their religious belief as one part of that. Too many atheists see the belief on religion as not one part, but the only part that matters.

Of course. But as I appear to have everything you have PLUS not having to put up with christian crapola, I count it in my favor.

I am less angry at the religious than I am puzzled by and interested in them and their (at least in my eyes) termendously weird mentalities, thus my long standing identification as an atheist.

And I always took communion when I was in church, but then I worked for the church and had appearances to maintain. I figure, if you're going to put up with church, you may as well take the grand tour. Besides, the church where I worked the longest didn't use those evil tasting wafers and maddog 20/20 for communion. It was Hawaiian bread and Welch's grape juice all the way. Pass me some more of that host, god damn it!

Posted: Sun Mar 09, 2008 6:25 pm

I am so mad right now I can't even see straight. I just got done with a three hour argument with my ex girlfriend who is a Christian.

She did nothing but tell me how stupid and blind I was! What the fuck? Are you kidding me. She said I sound like I've been brain washed into thinking the way I do, and how dare I ask questions about god. I could not believe what I was hearing from her.

So now shes said that she is cutting me out of her life because shes afraid the way I think will rub off on her and take her away from god.

Umm suggestions?

Posted: Mon Mar 10, 2008 11:17 pm

jasons99 wrote:

I am so mad right now I can't even see straight. I just got done with a three hour argument with my ex girlfriend who is a Christian ... Umm suggestions?

If she was your ex-girlfriend before you had the three hour argument, then turn the page. Let her live her own life. If you have common friends, leave it to her whether she wants to continue on outings or parties to which both of you may come.

If the argument is what made her your ex, then decide whether, warts and all, you want to be with her enough to swallow your pride and let her know that you won't talk about the topic in the future unless she wants to.

Good luck.

Posted: Wed Mar 19, 2008 10:18 pm

Whoa! Flashbacks!!! (IG and Brian37 know why Wink

)

And yet, here I am again. Just bought a house with a theist. Seems like I can't get away from them. But then they don't follow me to meetings, rallies, seminars, etc so I'm free to roam Twisted Evil

Seriously, we rarely have discussions on religion and does not become an issue. Sunday mornings I can catch up on all the South Park episodes on DVR while she dumps 10% into the plate. It all depends on the attitude everyone takes. In Jason 99's case, man, I'd be making tracks and delete that one from my contact list. On the other hand, I hang out with a lot of theists - at the nudist camps and swing clubs - go figure!!!

Posted: Thu Mar 20, 2008 12:13 pm

Hmm.. I'd be willing to help you again if you'd like Randy! Beware though... she may go buck wild without a proper moral foundation. Smile

Posted: Thu Mar 20, 2008 5:37 pm

infidelguy wrote:

Hmm.. I'd be willing to help you again if you'd like Randy! Beware though... she may go buck wild without a proper moral foundation. Smile

Hey..Hey..HEY!!! Daddy gets to go to The Trap and The Valley and play - don't mess with my thang, man!


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