Dating a theist

Graduate Thinker Joined: Mar 07, 2006 Posts: 768

Alright so I recently started dating a theist girl, and thought this would be a good place to discuss it with people I don't know personally. So far I don't have any huge issues, but she's already said a few things that, well...bugged me. She said "I believe in evolution of animals but not of man." Now I know this shouldn't be a big deal but it bugged me since, well...WE ARE FUCKING ANIMALS! Gah, I haven't said anything about it so far, and I don't know if I should or how I would go about doing it without offending her or making it look like I'm trying to push my beliefs (or lack-there-of) on her. Any suggestions from someone who may have been in the same situation? I know there's a few people here who have or had relationships with theists and now I need some advise. Thanks in advance.

-Ian

Posted: Tue Jan 09, 2007 1:33 pm

Assuming you lack a god belief, have you told her about it?

Graduate Thinker Joined: Mar 07, 2006 Posts: 768

Oh yeah, she knows. She has a slight problem with the fact that I'm pretty anti-theistic. Sounds like that concern is about as serious as my above one.

Confident Learner Joined: Nov 18, 2006 Posts: 67

Dump her. It's not worth your time.

Unlike her, who thinks she will have an infinity to find love in the after life, you are going to die eventually. Settle down with someone who's an atheist and you can both loathe xian america together.

Graduate Thinker Joined: Mar 07, 2006 Posts: 768

What grand response to a serious question tormentor....

Posted: Tue Jan 09, 2007 5:38 pm

Speak out everytime you hear something that bugs you.
If you hold it inside, you'll just get frustrated.
Try to have a friendly discussion with her and make sure she doesn't feel threatened. You'll have a blast talking with her about such things (at least I had), and who knows, with time you might even change her mind.

Thinker Joined: Nov 12, 2006 Posts: 423

Ask her what she believes makes an animal an animal and why that doesn't include humans. If she gives you the verb definition of behavior tell her that that isn't correct that it is the noun definition and that includes humans.

Posted: Wed Jan 10, 2007 1:49 am

If it's such a big deal to you perhaps you should only date atheist girls.

Anyway I'd tell her that no living things are immune to evolution including plants.

Graduate Thinker Joined: Mar 07, 2006 Posts: 768

Saitou wrote:

If it's such a big deal to you perhaps you should only date atheist girls.

Anyway I'd tell her that no living things are immune to evolution including plants.

It's not that big of a deal, I just think it has the potential to be a big deal and I don't want it to get that way.

Ivan Ivanov wrote:

Speak out everytime you hear something that bugs you.
If you hold it inside, you'll just get frustrated.
Try to have a friendly discussion with her and make sure she doesn't feel threatened. You'll have a blast talking with her about such things (at least I had), and who knows, with time you might even change her mind.

Thanks, trying to do it without putting her on the defensive is going to be the hard part, I'll just have to really concentrate on that and see what happens. As long as I don't let it build up to much I think things should be fine. Thanks.

Graduate Thinker Joined: Mar 07, 2006 Posts: 768

NeuralLick wrote:

However, assuming you would really like to make this work, then I suggest you discuss it, but only when she brings up the topic. That way, you don't look like you're trying to force anything. If she wants to discuss religion, then be willing to talk to her about it. But I think that as the male in the relationship, you should be more stoic and indifferent to your own beliefs (and be more sensitive to hers), while still remaining true to them. Issues like evolution and such can be discussed totally independently of religion, and I suggest you take such an approach.

I know for a fact she wants to talk more about it. I think I'm just going to try and enjoy hanging out with her unless she specifically says something that bothers me, and discuss it civilly when and if she brings it up. Thanks.

Graduate Thinker Joined: Mar 07, 2006 Posts: 768

NeuralLick wrote:

Ian2400 wrote:

NeuralLick wrote:

However, assuming you would really like to make this work, then I suggest you discuss it, but only when she brings up the topic. That way, you don't look like you're trying to force anything. If she wants to discuss religion, then be willing to talk to her about it. But I think that as the male in the relationship, you should be more stoic and indifferent to your own beliefs (and be more sensitive to hers), while still remaining true to them. Issues like evolution and such can be discussed totally independently of religion, and I suggest you take such an approach.

I know for a fact she wants to talk more about it. I think I'm just going to try and enjoy hanging out with her unless she specifically says something that bothers me, and discuss it civilly when and if she brings it up. Thanks.

Yeah, interestingly my advice is in direct contrast to Ivan's.

Although you know she wants to talk about it, I meant my comments in a more situation-based way, meaning that you should not discuss religion at all unless she starts the conversation. When she no longer wishes to talk about it, then the conversation's over. The only exception I'd make to this is if she says something along the lines of: "God wants gays to burn in Hell forever." Obviously that's extreme (and probably grounds for ending things right there), but if she says something utterly obnoxious and immoral, then (and only then), would I object.

Anyway, good luck Ian. Hopefully you fare better than I have with such things.

Yeah, thanks. I don't think I have to worry about the extreme things. She knows never to push her religion on me and said that telling people things like that is horrible and she would never do it. She also seems like a pretty liberal Christian on most issues and tends to agree with me on a lot of issues, if for slightly different reasons but whatever.

Thinker Joined: Nov 12, 2006 Posts: 423

Ian2400 wrote:

Yeah, thanks. I don't think I have to worry about the extreme things. She knows never to push her religion on me and said that telling people things like that is horrible and she would never do it. She also seems like a pretty liberal Christian on most issues and tends to agree with me on a lot of issues, if for slightly different reasons but whatever.

Does she know that evolution is not about the origin of life, that Abiogenesis is and evolution is about the origin of species instead? That because of this a god is not necessarily excluded? That we're not evolved from monkeys, but share a common ancestor with the other higher primates? If she brings up intelligent design tell her that even design is an evolutionary process. That evolution is the basis of modern biology?

Graduate Thinker Joined: Mar 07, 2006 Posts: 768

sjc wrote:

Ian2400 wrote:

Yeah, thanks. I don't think I have to worry about the extreme things. She knows never to push her religion on me and said that telling people things like that is horrible and she would never do it. She also seems like a pretty liberal Christian on most issues and tends to agree with me on a lot of issues, if for slightly different reasons but whatever.

Does she know that evolution is not about the origin of life, that Abiogenesis is and evolution is about the origin of species instead? That because of this a god is not necessarily excluded? That we're not evolved from monkeys, but share a common ancestor with the other higher primates? If she brings up intelligent design tell her that even design is an evolutionary process. That evolution is the basis of modern biology?

I know I know. I've said the same things to 1000 different theists. Right now though all I want to do is spend more time with her. When it comes up, you know I'll be bringing the right arguments and questions to the table. Wink

Posted: Thu Jan 11, 2007 2:47 am

Maybe people who want to believe that god gave human design special consideration would be receptive to the idea like the following:

God created the world and an evolutionary system as part of the process to design all living things. When the process he had set in motion created the most advanced animals we know of as primates he saw great potential and built on that design to create man.

The biggest obstacle is probably that the bible has it comically reversed right? God makes man first then animals? I'm asking seriously since I've never actually read it but got information from other sources.

Grand Poster Joined: Dec 21, 2004 Posts: 1100

Ian2400 wrote:

Gah, I haven't said anything about it so far, and I don't know if I should or how I would go about doing it without offending her or making it look like I'm trying to push my beliefs (or lack-there-of) on her.

Why worry about not offending her? I say go ahead and offend her. Either she can take it, or it's not going to work out anyway. Either way, it's better to know now rather than 6 months from now. That or just don't talk about religion at all with her and enjoy the time you spend together. KISS, Keep It Simple Stupid. Why talk about heavy topics if it just starts an argument?


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