The Five-Dollar Prayer

Just Arrived Joined: Jun 09, 2008 Posts: 8

Prayer is a form of energy. Like electricity. A vital commodity. We take it for granted. Prayer has always been free. No bill for prayer has ever arrived in the mail for us to pay.

Until last week when Christians received they prayer bills. The average bill is forty dollars per month, payable to the Church. The average prayer costs five dollars.

It should come as no surprise to anyone that praying should not be free. All faith and hope is charged with energy. The words of a prayer flow like electrons. A source of positively charged particles. A prayer is our connection to Heaven. It is a powerful source of planning and renewal. Building civilization. The balancing force that keeps us mentally stable and glorifies the Human Condition.

Thus to pray is a priviledge. Not everyone should pray. Prayer costs few pennies, yes. But we need prayer. We cannot live without prayer. Prayer is an indisputably essential thing for mankind's existence. So why allow people to pray without paying. Freeloaders. No more free rides.

If you want to pray, pay your month prayer bill. Prayer is no longer gratis. It requires a commitment.

Prayer acknowledges all the centuries it has served freely. Now prayer wants a small stipend. A show of support from those who know prayer's contribution.

Prayer as a mighty warrior against Satan. A potent force that allows us to defeat the weaknesses and temptations we encounter. When someone prays an electric current runs through their body. If someone touches them, there is a shock, like touching an open electric outlet. Only more potent.

The effect is one of inspiration. The brain is illumiated and ideas sparkle up. We are more aware of who we are and what the Lord intends for our lives. Prayer is receiving and sending electricity over long distances. Heaven is their destination.

We pray for a better world. Everyday, we use prayer to do many functions for us -- from guarding us from temptation to forgiveness of our sins. Salvation. We pray for the sick, the homeless, the sinners who cannot resist temptation.

Like an electric generator prayer is a device for converting energy into electrical current. Prayer powers the light of the moon, the stars and the sun. Prayer spins the earth around the galaxy. Prayer makes the flowers and trees bloom.

Prayer induces a small electric current in the air. It makes the birds sing. Prayer is a form of fuel. We see it burning inside the sun. The bees and butterfly move from flower to flower because we pray.

Prayer is the sound that rivers and streams make. The wind is a prayer. And so is rain and snow. A prayer is healing force that opens doors. A divine force that charges every living creature with hope.

A force as strong as lightning to strike a blow for righteousness.

Though some selfish individuals may misuse prayer. Asking for money, power, a new car, a sailboat, a big house, a pile of money. Those who pray wisely are those who know that prayer cannot be compromised for material needs.

The spiritual reward of prayer is that it brings us closer to God. And thus, closer to the answers we seek. Let us pay our prayer bills. And be thankful. Amen.

Graduate Thinker Joined: Mar 26, 2008 Posts: 549

Isn't god supposed to be above money, anyway?

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The balancing force that keeps us mentally stable and glorifies the Human Condition.

So all atheists and people who don't pray are now walking nutcases, right?

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Prayer is receiving and sending electricity over long distances. Heaven is their destination.

If so, then prayers would reach heaven long after we're dead.

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Like an electric generator prayer is a device for converting energy into electrical current. Prayer powers the light of the moon, the stars and the sun. Prayer spins the earth around the galaxy. Prayer makes the flowers and trees bloom.

I wonder what all that stuff did before humans existed?

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Prayer is the sound that rivers and streams make. The wind is a prayer. And so is rain and snow. A prayer is healing force that opens doors. A divine force that charges every living creature with hope.

I can have hope and still not pray.

Master of Logic Joined: Oct 04, 2003 Posts: 9384

NOW IT ALL MAKES SENSE!

No wait, that was just indigestion.

Posted: Sat Jun 14, 2008 2:50 am

Prayer implies that you know better how to run the universe than god. It is therefore blasphemy and an insult to god.

Newbie Joined: Jun 16, 2008 Posts: 13

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When someone prays an electric current runs through their body. If someone touches them, there is a shock, like touching an open electric outlet. Only more potent.

Is this guy serious?

Posted: Fri Jun 27, 2008 2:42 am

That must be why there are all those studies on the ineffectiveness of prayer.

Christians aren't paying their prayer bills

Posted: Sun Jul 06, 2008 4:39 pm

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Thus to pray is a priviledge. Not everyone should pray.

Nobody should pray. It does no good.

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Prayer costs few pennies, yes. But we need prayer.

No, we don't.

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We cannot live without prayer.

Yes, we can.

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Prayer is an indisputably essential thing for mankind's existence.

No, it isn't.

Posted: Mon Jul 07, 2008 1:06 am

Why do people need to pray?

From the deity's view, he/she needs people to kiss its holy backside so it can know how much people appreciate them. It also gives them power over the people praying.

From a human view, it feels so nice to be able to do absolutely nothing and honestly believe you're being helpful.

Posted: Mon Jul 07, 2008 10:59 pm

JE$U$

Confident Learner Joined: Oct 16, 2005 Posts: 83

Prayers go no further than the brain.


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